I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
