I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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