Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
