how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
