Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
