how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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