Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize