My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
