Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
