So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
