Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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