I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
