Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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