we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
