He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
