why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize