i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it was like eating out sand paper
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all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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