all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
