I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
