Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
