the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
my poor anus
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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