therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
