Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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