Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
