That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
