the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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