It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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