I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
