Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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