I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
