Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
