smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
