Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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