1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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