How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
