I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
