I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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