Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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