I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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