final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
