last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
