you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Houston, we have a blender
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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