I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
