I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
