We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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