is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
