dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
