New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im six kinds of drunk right now
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
