but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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