I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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