WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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