I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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