Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
