So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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