I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
