I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
